Yahtzee anyone?

This is a damned dirty game.

I recently had occasion to play ( i.e. a hangover) and was frankly shocked and delighted by the sheer dirtiness of conversation during play.

Yahtzee is an easy game. You've seen the scorecards I assume? And understand the object of play?

You see the goal is to fill out your upper half so you can get the big bonus. It's almost impossible to get a bonus if the upper half is not reasonably balanced. You can win the game without a bonus, but it's hard. But don't feel bad if your upper half is not as well filled out as your lower half. Fortunately, it's easy to overcome a bad upper half with a spectacular bottom half.

Unfortunately, it is also possible to have nothing going on in your lower half, especially if you fail to get a large straight. A small straight alone just doesn't cut it, and you can spend a lot of time and energy trying to turn small straights into large straights. It's preferable to get a large straight unexpectedly and spontaneously rather than trying futilely for it over and over again. It can be very frustrating. While a small straight is perfectly fine, they are quite commonplace and not as much a cause for celebration as the large straight.



On very rare occasions, the lack of a large straight can be overcome by getting the bonus.

Birthplace of the Boner

Consider this obituary from the New York Times, 1956:

"Fred Merkle, former major league baseball player who was best remembered for a boner that cost the New York Giants the pennant in 1908, died today. He was 67 years old."

I've mentioned before that "boner" used to refer to a blooper or mistake. Well after consulting three prominent resources on the English language I believe I have arrived at the genesis of this beloved term.

His name is Fred Merkle.

You see, Fred was a 19 year old rookie playing for the New York Giants against the Chicago Cubs in September of 1908. This was the game that would decide the National League pennant. Well, Merkle was on first base with 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth when the batter hit a single, scoring another player who had been on third. Guy from third scores and the game is over right?

Well, Merkle didn't run to second. Thinking the game was over he just ran to the dugout to celebrate and was forced out at second by an astute center fielder who realized the run would be nullified at the third out.

So when does this whole thing get dirty?

Well, because he acted like such a bonehead, this mistake on his part forever became known as "Merkle's Boner." No, not "mistake" or "blunder" or "mishap" but "BONER." Poor Mr. Merkle's life was forever associated with a word that came to refer to an erect penis. Consider the headline from September 23, 1908, the day after the game,

"A Boner Buries the Giants"

Now I just have to figure out when "boner" came into its present day usage. What was the transition point?

I'm a librarian I can figure this shit out.

More DE's in the KC blogosphere

Boy, Plog scooped the fuck out of me this week. A fantastic post about dirty names in baseball player history totally takes the cake and was inspired by the recent Chiefs acquisition of hilariously named Mike Cox. For the record, Mike Cox was already on my to-do list for this week. Also, having recently lived in Michigan, I can tell you that the Attorney General of that great state is also named Mike Cox. Anyhow, kudos to Plog--that's what happens when people get paid to dredge up and research double entendres.

For me, folks, it's just a labor of love.

Also Plog posted about a youtube video that another blogger had posted earlier (sorry can't remember who) featuring a Minnesota weatherman enthusiastically referring to Jared Allen's jersey number, #69. I'd embed it, but I'm too lazy.

I'd be remiss not to mention May's fabulous recent post title, "An Orgasm in My Mouth". Tony, for the record this is much more effective at garnering readership than borderline anorexic post-sorostitutes with photoshopped asses.

Lastly, XO, the inspirational figurehead of the local blogosphere dredged up a great picture of "Raper Park." This patch of recreational joy apparently offers restrooms and shelter for all who hangout there. Sorry this joke is becoming uncomfortable so I'll just stop now.

Tom Raper RVs

Thanks to a recent post by XO, I received a blast from the past. When I was living in Chicago, they had these local commercials--you know the ones--poor production values, an overexcited business owner screaming at you, and the seeming inability to keep the family name out of the business name.

I'm talking about Tom Raper RVs.

I couldn't find the commercials posted anywhere, but Tom Raper RVs was all over the place. The monster-truck sounding narrator of the commercials kept saying his name over and over again and there were billboards all over the expressway to Indiana

Dude!

And apparently Mr. Raper has diversified his business interested to include Raper Homes and Raper trailers.

Wow, isn't that great?

Double entendres around the KC blogosphere

It has been a busy week for double entendres out on the internets. Since I seem to be hitting a dry patch (hehe) lately, let's round up some of KC's best jokey jokes in the double meaning realm.

On Monday, KC's favorite Minneapolis transplant dedicated an entire post to a single double entendre. Kudos Keri Oke! She is super excited about the MN Vikings newest acquisition John David Booty. I think we can safely say that everyone is excited to hear all the sportscasters (or if you prefer to call them by that made-up, grammatically suspect word "commentator") unwittingly say all sorts of wonderful things like "Julius Peppers chases booty all over the backfield" or "Julius Peppers has slammed booty hard every chance he's had." Julius Peppers could be the second best name in football. I may actually watch some football this year. I mean we have the likelihood of hearing the words "sack" and "booty" in the same sentence. Awesome!

Last weekend half-baked handyman, blogger, and double-entendrent extraordinaire emawkc reported on a fascinating repair project.

It seems his drain pipe wasn't working properly. The ensuing description had him cleaning downspouts, submerging pipes in trenches, and even putting on a condom (sorta)



Lastly, Laura and Jenna Bush came to town recently. With a president named Bush I'm really disappointed that America hasn't made more of a mockery of him. On the other hand, he's doing a pretty good job on his own. Anyhow, little Jenna's all grown up now but it gives me chance to link to my favorite Onion headline of all time.

UPDATE: MORE DOUBLE ENTENDRES!

Spyder grabbed our attention by alerting us to the available of a great product: Motion Lotion!

Chubby's

I know this might be a topic more appropriate for my other blog but since I haven't actually eaten at Chubby's this actually the more appropriate venue.

No I have never eaten at Chubby's, this apparently legendary KC establishment which has been serving up hangover breakfasts and late-night diner crap to westport drunkards since time immemorial. You know why? Well, I just assumed it was a strip club.

I haven't live in KC too long and don't tend to go out for 3am meals any more (takes away valuable drinking time). So every time I cruised up broadway I never paid it much attention.

But Chubby's? Really?

I've heard their food is good, but how good could it be?

I can't be the first one to make that joke.

Actually the quality of the food has apparently dropped off if the letter to the pitch a few weeks back is any indication. The letter was delightfully titled by the Pitch staff as "Ex-Chubby's Chaser." Last month the Star published a piece with a very telling quote from the Chubby's owner:

"Whenever the name comes up, people say, 'I’ve been there many a time at 3 a.m.'" said Vito LaBruzzo.

Do you understand how a guy could think they were dishing up lapdances instead of eggs benedict? Actually that would be a good euphemism for a lapdance.

Anyway what's really most interesting to me is the raging debate about whether "chubby" refers to a fully or partially erect member. While I don't bandy about the term with any regularity (you know, I'm not a crass guy), my gut tells me it indicates a half-baked bone. Any thoughts?

S & M Communion Bread Co.

This is an old favorite of mine. Back in 1992, some friends and I took a road trip to Graceland and stopped over in Nashville for a couple days.

One day driving around we passed by an unassuming building with a sign that read "S&M Communion Bread Company." Needless to say we all got out of the car and had our picture taken in front of the building. I have no idea where the photo is today-there have been a lot of apartments, cities and brain cells that have come and gone since then.

We didn't go inside, but it must be one hell of a workplace. I'll bet a lot of blood, sweat and tears go into each delightful little wafer.

I can picture all sorts of ritualistic, catholic themed scenarios going on inside, complete with nuns screaming at dopey old guys to make that communion bread faster!

Anyway, it looks like this is a fairly well-known tidbit of info as Steve Earle's sister came out with an album not too long ago that was named after this Nashville landmark.